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ATTENTION: THESE FILES ARE CLASSIFIED AS TOP-SECRET AND CONFIDENTIAL. EXAMINATION BY UNAUTHORIZED PERSONS IS A CRIMINAL OFFENSE PUNISHABLE BY BEING FORCED TO WATCH EPISODES OF "MOMMA'S FAMILY" UNTIL YOUR BRAIN TURNS INTO OATMEAL, A $500,000 FINE PAYABLE IN MOUNTAIN DEW RETURNABLES, OR WHATEVER.

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MESSAGE INCOMING: CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET
MESSAGE ORIGIN: SUPREME COURT BATHROOM ON THE 3RD FLOOR

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JUSTICE CLARENCE THOMAS: OH DEAR GOD!!!! CAVANAUGH'S TURNING INTO A POSSUM!!!!! GET A BROOM!!!!

RETIRED JUSTICE SOUTER: HAND ME ANOTHER WHIPPET AND TURN UP THE PROCOL HARUM, MAN. LIKE WOW. GROOVY.

ASSOCIATE JUSTICE SAMUEL ALITO: IS IT A VIOLATION OF A PASSENGER'S 1st AMENDMENT RIGHTS FOR AN AIRLINE TO FORCE THAT PASSENGER TO STOP READING THE PORNOGRAPHIC MAGAZINE "SWANK" ON A CROWDED FLIGHT, EVEN IF HE BOUGHT THE MAGAZINE AT THE AIRPORT TERMINAL?

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CLASSIFIED STATUS TERMINATED
440/RHO/OMICRON/4412
NSA NOTIFIED OF INTELLIGENCE BREACH MAR 01, 2024 04:32:23

NSA RECOURSE: A-900:32 PHYSICAL CABLE CHEWED. BY A 'POSSUM AND/OR A RUSSIAN SINGER.

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