If you ever see a kayak right side up with a person attached, it probably won’t be me.

Don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends are kayakers. Kevin Kiley, one of our oldest and dearest friends, plays piano, but he also has been known to lead a gaggle of kayakers through storm sewers. He is much loved for his zen-like communes with digesting and sunning regional seals who I’m sure are Equity actor associates with whom Kevin has worked.

On Windjammer Day I’ve seen these little nautical projectiles pop out from behind the darndest places. I can’t imagine how they are kept from being squished. And sometimes they are covered like a loaded pizza with all variety of paraphernalia. One WJ Day I saw a chap draped in exceptional cameras, with a pouch on the bow and a bag on the stern, a small backpack and (as God is my witness) a Hibachi grill. I’m almost certain he had a washer and dryer stashed in an aft compartment.

The idea of my lower body squeezed into a tube below the waterline concerns me. I know a lot of people love kayaking. I guess I’d just prefer something with a bit more lift.