Generally we are uneasy around those who are different from ourselves – that is, the other. The difference may be race and the color of one’s skin, maybe physical make-up may be deformity, it may be economic status, and abject poverty in our midst and it may be sexual orientation – that area which people find threatening and unacceptable.

And worse, this uneasiness if unexamined often shifts into blatant prejudice, bigotry and discrimination.

This commentary will focus on the notion of equality in marriage, a less limiting, more positive way of thinking about difference and sexual orientation. Fortunately, there is a changing understanding of marriage, gender, sexuality and family.

We have come a long way; 50 years ago, the church was in an even more bitterly divisive marriage controversy than we are experiencing today – should women be regarded as their husbands' property?

It is encouraging that the presumption that marriage requires gender difference is being challenged.

However, it is disturbing that mistranslation and distortion of a very few biblical texts continue to be the “rationale” for opponents of marriage equality to deny gays and lesbians the right to marry. Nonetheless, marriage everywhere is understood as a fundamental right, as well as a powerful statement of love and commitment that brings clarity, security and dignity to a couple.

It is not within the scope of this essay to present all the arguments for marriage equality. That has been done, debated and voted on over and over. I refer you to three of many scholarly works: Marvin Ellison’s “Same Sex Marriage, A Christian Ethical Analysis,” Victor Furnish’s “What the Bible really says about Homosexuality” and Peter Gomes’s “The Good Book.” (It is clear and very readable.) Also there is Karslake’s documentary film “For the Bible Tells Me So” on Netflix.

For information on extensive scholarly research on complex theories of the etiology of sexual orientation, one may Google “genetics and homosexuality.”

To return to the biblical understanding of marriage, the Bible never raises up one model of human relationship the exclusion of others. Marriage has never been defined primarily by sexual preference or by genetically determined sexuality. That kind of identifying is dangerous because it leads to labeling a person as a problem. Labeling describes, classifies, evaluates and excludes. It objectifies, pathologizes and medicalizes a human being.

One’s sexuality is not a disease, so it cannot be cured or rewired.

Further, this process of labeling allows one, or a group of people, an insidious way to have power over another person. That power marginalizes and oppresses a person. That is what happened to gays and lesbians in our culture.

Sexuality is not the issue. The Christian tradition affirms that where there is love, the sacred is in our midst. Conventional, loving relationships, not sexual orientation, is at the heart of all that is good and life-giving. Episcopal Bishop of New Hampshire Gene Robinson says, “God is love and when two people are in love, that is a good thing, not a scary thing. It will be okay.”

The Biblical Mandate is a call to “justice and love kindness,” and “love your neighbor, as yourself.” Justice is about eliminating marginalization and oppression of any human being for reasons of race, color, gender, sexual orientation or economic status. To stand for equality in marriage is to stand for a deep and permanent biblical view of the God of the Bible: inclusive compassionate and just.

So, where can the responsible Maine voter go for more clarification?

First one might ask, “Where do my beliefs about marriage equality come from? Is my conclusion based on current scholarly research and scientific studies? Does it stem from accurate Biblical interpretation? Is it rooted in theologically sound biblical mandate? Am I being fair? Am I being compassionate?” Or, “Am I buying into an exclusionist, prejudicial point of view?” Or, “Am I following generations of family traditions?” Or, “Am I silent in fear of reprisal from family, friends, or my church?”

Finally, each one of us must ask ourselves, “If I were gay or lesbian in a long-term, loving relationship and wanted to marry my partner, and make a solemn conventional commitment as the heterosexual are privileged to do, shouldn’t I, too, be allowed to marry and enjoy the same privilege?”

I have heard the plaintive voices of gays and lesbians cry out, “You know I didn’t choose to be the way I am, any more than the heterosexuals chose to be the way they are. Besides who in this world would choose to be hated, feared, bullied, and rejected?”

For many people the marriage equality issue is an understandably tough struggle. It is one driven by a common human fear and aversion to differences. To be a fair and responsible voter is a serious and courageous challenge. Finally, it really is not that scary. You can meet the challenge, you can vote for marriage equality. It is the right thing to do.