If you could bite anyone in this world, past or present, who would it be? Every time I am being detained by a prolonged ATF squad searching my home for mattress tags I've removed UNDER PENALTY OF LAW, I like to kick this question around the ol' noggin. Mostly because the ATF has impounded my phone, all my computers, and Liana's Etch-a-Sketch. They also have a habit of confiscating my liquor cabinet and ordering 5-topping pizzas on my Papa John's account.

That's where my power of imagination takes hold!

Bite 5) This drunk guy sitting next to me at the bar with the loud mouth, stained teeth and Yankees hat.

Bite 4) WCSH 6 Weatherman Keith Carson for saying "Tempachure" and his obscene neckties that can be seen by people who've had their eyes ripped out and live in galaxies billions of light-years away. He also never actually reveals the weather to you. He calls himself a me-e-o-rologist.

Bite 3) WCSH 6 Weatherman Todd Gutner for saying "Tempachure" and also trying to scare the crap out of his audience by making 3 consecutive drizzly days in July sound like a murderous firestorm where our panic would be justified in looting a Shaws, He also never actually tells you what the weather is going to be. He calls himself a me-e-o-rologist.

Bite 2) My superintendent when I was a carpenter in St. Thomas whilst building the National Guard Armory who fired, re-hired, and fired me on the same day.

Bite 1) My ex-girlfriend Beth who said my head was huge.

Apparently Auggie has a longer list than I. Or is the correct usage "me?" Good question! And I shall answer it with another question: Who cares?

Auggie even includes a Pharaoh from the Egyptian New Dynasty that he'd like to bite. And he gives forth a lot more justification for his selections.

But enough of my yakkin'! Get yourself a cup of hot chocolate or a funnel a warm Pabst Tall-Boy from your filthy backpack all over your wifebeater T-Shirt and click on "MAN BITES MAN AND DOG AND OTHER CODSWALLOP" by Augustus Megatron Bulldozer Kingsbury

-Don (Not a Dog)

Were you enraged by my little yarn? Have your doctor up the dose of whatever psychotropic you are on and click here: https://mailchi.mp/twosaltydogs/the-salty-paws-may-2023-7226071

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