Oh. My. God. I am officially, dare I say it ... old.

And I have “Minions” to thank for this rather uncomfortable and unexpected public admission. I know you’ll probably agree after you read this review.

Maybe my memories of childhood are a tad blurry.

It's just that I don't recall the same level of violence in kid TV and movies we watched in the early and mid-1960s. And we didn't watch very much TV back then. We kids were outside playing most of the time, when we weren't in school. Looking back, our parents liked it that way, but so did we.

I saw “Minions” Friday morning at The Harbor Theatre here in Boothbay Harbor. It was my first introduction to these little yellow critters who literally live to serve the most nefarious, dangerous, unscrupulous characters around.

Apparently, without a villain to take orders from (and receive occasional physical and verbal abuse), Minions become depressed — and no amount of bananas (their favorite food) will cure them of it.

Now minions may sound like the best thing around for a bad guy, or woman, but there's one catch: most of them are none to bright and many are accident prone. This, however, is only bad news for their masters.

Yep, a T. rex fell into a pit of volcanic fire because of them, a vampire died when the minions decided to throw him a 356th birthday party, but opened the curtains to show him his cake.

Hey, it could happen to anybody, I mean, any thing.

The minion gang decide to hole up in an icy cave somewhere in Russia (I guess) and for awhile they're happy playing minion games. Until slowly, one by one, that black curtain of depression starts to come down.

Finally, minion Kevin announces his plan to leave the cave and not return until he has found the most evil master possible. He ends up traveling with Bob (a baby minion, I guess, accompanied by his teddy bear) and the unknowing Stuart (volunteered for the job by his peers, but for what he hadn't a clue).

The trio end up in New York City in 1968. While there they accidentally dial in on a top secret TV channel on the (whisper) Villain Network.

Fortune, it seems, is about to smile on their mission because Kevin, Bob and Stuart learn of an upcoming villains convention in Orlando. Feeling certain they will find someone to be dominated by, the three hopeful critters head for the highway. After observing a hippie hitchhike, Kevin decides to do likewise.

The speeding station wagon comes to a dead stop really sudden, in front of Kevin in the middle of the road. All we see of the passenger leaning out to talk to them is her hand — in which there's a knife. Well, let's just say the family in this car is right up the minions’ alley.

The minions and the family arrive in Orlando (after a bank robbery) and at the VillainCon, they meet the ultimate in evil masters: Scarlett Overkill.

Scarlett, the first woman super villain, boasts to her audience at the convention, “They said a woman couldn't rob a bank as well as a man (pause) ... well times have changed!”

Wow. Insert eye roll here.

Scarlett announces she is in the market for new henchmen. All anyone in the audience had to do was take a gemstone from her, if they dare. Scarlett ends up choosing the three minions for her, um, minions, because they manage to scarf the jewel — but, you'll have to see how for yourself.

What's the deal with Scarlett? Well, the thing is she grew up wanting to be a princess, crown and all, like many little girls fantasize about.

Only, because of her childhood (orphaned, unloved and virtually ignored), you kind of get it.

The thing is, as a grown up girl with much to prove, she's got a crown all picked out. Trouble is, Britain's monarch is often wearing it.

And, Scarlett aims to get it. To be noticed. To be special. To be a queen — hey, she's older now and knows where the real power's at.

And that's the beginning of the adventure for the minions.

I won't say there weren't even a few chuckle moments, but, the best thing about this film is the soundtrack. Thanks to the time period, 1968, and location of most of the film, London, it's filled with very groovy tunes by The Kinks, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, The Who, Jimi, The Doors, The Turtles — it's fabulous!

Yes it's an animated. Yes very prominent actors lend their voices to characters — Sandra Bullock is Scarlett, Geoffrey Rush the narrator, with Michael Keaton, Pierre Coffin, Jon Hamm, Allison Janney, Steve Coogan, Steve Carrell and others — but I just couldn't get into it.

Children under seven or eight will find this animated feature from Universal Studios and Illumination Entertainment confusing, or maybe they won't. Most kids are probably very into the minions because they’re goofy, kind of cute, I guess, and have already seen the “Despicable Me” films.

Parents will dig the soundtrack, but that's pretty much it. Or, maybe they won't. Now where did I put that “Rocky & Bullwinkle” DVD?

“Minions” opens Friday, July 10, at 7 p.m. at The Harbor Theatre. The PG film plays through Thursday, July 23, nightly at 7; Sunday, July 19 at 2 and 7 p.m.

Thursday, July 16, with a bonus matinee on Sunday, July 12, at 2 p.m. The theater is located at 185 Townsend Avenue in Boothbay Harbor.