Don't buy these lifejackets if you think one will give you another life. Besides, what would you do with another life anyway? Probably just sit around eating chips and watching the worst TV imaginable. On the weekends, you would probably just get online and start nonsensical political arguments with strangers before passing out in your underwear on the front lawn. Then there would be the hurried drive to the Urgent Care for all the raccoon bites.

Perhaps the responsible thing for me to do would be to offer them as "Canine Flotation Devices." That way you won't stock them on your new Ferry endeavor, thinking they were for human beings, and drown a bunch of passengers when you slam your ferry into the USS Alan Alda because you were arguing with your wife about how paprika is made.

Regardless, these little babies get laughed at in my shop every year by a bunch of ignorant people. Perhaps you have already smirked and given a disdainful chuckle at them. Allow me educate and humiliate you.

Picture yourself on the Boothbay Harbor waterfront with my hyper, 70lb Ball of Dumb, Fudgie. Now picture Fudgie leaping off the dock after a seagull. How will you ever get Fudgie on dry land again? The waterfront is all on pilings. There's no way for him to climb out, so you'll just have to take off your Mardi Gras costume, dive in, and push that little monster up on the dock. But if Fudgie had a canine flotation device, you could pull him out with the handle. Or at least the vest would slow the beast down enough so you could catch him and drag him back to the dock before he gets hit by the USS Alan Alda. That ship has had a terrible track record since the Korean War.

These jackets are also great to prevent Bulldogs and senior dogs from sinking straight to the bottom of whatever water body you're having fun in. Except Lake Huron.

Two different kinds of Canine Flotation Devices to choose from.

Whilst supplies last, my beloved jackball.

LIFE JACKETS (NOT A GUARANTEE)
32% + SECANT(1/pi) = 32 + 1.05289 = 33.05289% OFF
Use Coupon Code: USSALANALDA
<< Click HERE >>

This little tidbit was wrestled from our massive April newsletter “The Salty Paws.” If you’re the kind of person who doesn’t have a lot to do employment-wise, why not fritter and waste away your day guffawing like a jughead by clicking here: https://mailchi.mp/twosaltydogs/the-salty-paws-april-2023-7226064

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